


All or Nothing

by rumithealien



Series: changing the rules to play the game [4]
Category: The Get Down (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M, kipling family centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-04
Updated: 2017-05-04
Packaged: 2018-10-28 02:55:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10822263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rumithealien/pseuds/rumithealien
Summary: There was a silence unlike any ever heard before in the Kipling household. He’d thrown himself out of the airlock and he just had to hope his family would be there to catch him before he ran out of air.





	All or Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> So I guess this is it. I hope it lives up to expectations.  
> Also you guys wanted more Winston I hope this is enough  
> (notes for warnings at end)

“Guys this is Thor.”

There was a silence unlike any heard before in the Kipling household. 

In the moments that the silence reigned Dizzee would have given a pound of flesh to be able go back and redo the last five minutes. Not to knock on the door, not to leave the flat, not to have done any of it.

But it wasn’t possible. He knew that. He’d thrown himself out of the airlock and he just had to hope his family would be there to catch him before he ran out of air. 

He fidgeted nervously. Ma was studying him with an expression of confusion and curiosity. 

“Oh okay. Why don’t you take a seat.”

Dizzee felt himself nodding before he thought about it. He moved towards the table pulling Thor along with him. Dizzee could feel his boyfriend’s reluctance to move further away from the door and their only exit.

The silence was still there as they drew their seats back and sat down hands still entwined. Dizzee found that in that moment he was incapable of letting go of Thor’s hand. 

The heavy silence remained. Dizzee glanced around his family.

“So Dizzee you want to explain to me what’s going on here? I was under the impression that you were bringing a girl home to meet us.”

He steeled himself for the backlash.

“I don’t have a girl Ma. This is my boyfriend Thor. We’ve been seeing each other for over a year now.”

Adele didn’t get a chance to reply. Boo cut across the pause addressing Thor with a growing recognition spreading across his face. “Hold on. You’re that white boy from the concert.”

Dizzee felt Thor tense by his side and drew a breath to speak but Boo had already turned to his sister. Smacking Yolanda gently on the arm he continued. 

“You know the one I told you about? The one we didn’t recognise, who just turned up outa nowhere and gave Dizz CPR.” He turned back to Thor. “This is why you wouldn’t tell us anything even when Shao threatened to smack you isn’t it?”

Dizzee watched Thor’s lips twitch in the beginning of a smile. Boo flopped back in his chair a look of open astonishment on his face. Dizzee felt himself relax slightly at the sight. 

He glanced round his family’s faces.

Ma was staring at him with a puzzled curiosity eyes darting between him and Thor. Yolanda was openly smiling at him. Ra wore the same expression he often wore when trying to complete his English homework. He supposed his brother was going back over his memories for hints and clues he’d misses that this was what his brother was hiding. 

His father sat at the head of the table wearing the same neutral expression he’d taken on the moment Thor had first appeared. It gave nothing away and if Dizzee was honest it scared him.

He knew his father had the final say in what happened tonight. Over time his siblings and Ma could potentially change his mind, convince him to show leniency or re-think his choice. But right here, right now if Pops told him to get out it would be over. There would be no room for debate.

“Hold up.” Ra’s voice cut through Dizzee’s thoughts. “If you don’t have a girl how come you’re always coming home covered in lipstick?”

Dizzee studied the bewildered look on his brother’s face. In other circumstances he would have laughed at the look of confusion he found there. 

He wondered if Ra’s confusion stemmed from a horror associated with the very idea or, as Dizzee’s own had, the slow dawning realisation that such a thing was even possible. 

He resolved to keep an eye out to see which way Ra fell and if opportunity arose to give him the option as Thor had given him. 

His brother deserved to feel the sense of freedom that came with throwing such thoughts away. Hell, Dizzee thought everyone did. Even if most would reject the very idea on sight.

“Those who live enclosed behind the boundaries of their gender expose themselves to only half the universe’s light, Ra.”

Ra threw his arms up in a gesture of exasperated despair. 

~~

Adele watched Ra throw his arms up in despair at his brother’s words.

“What does that even mean Dizz?”

“It means the lipstick is mine.”

All eyes flew to Thor and Adele saw him flush under the sudden scrutiny.

“The nail polish was yours as well wasn’t it?”

Adele didn’t realise she’d spoken the words out loud until the boy answered. 

“Yes Ma’am.”

He was clearly uncomfortable she noted. While when they’d first entered he and Dizzee had looked as nervous as each other. With his sibling’s words Dizzee had relaxed. Thor had not. He’d done this before Adele realised and it didn’t go well.

So this was the person who’d stolen her son’s heart. She studied him. He was surprisingly close to what she’d expected once you discarded the difference in gender.

He was pretty she noted and dressed in the same vein as her son. From the ink and the paint stains on his skin she could assume he was an artist and the way he’d easily translated her son’s own particular way of speaking with ease he clearly thought in the same way Dizzee did.

He must also care deeply about Dizzee she realised. If he was willing to do this when he was clearly so uncomfortable with it and expecting it to go wrong. 

She thought back to the times when Dizzee had mentioned the person he was seeing. He’d always seemed so happy and the smile he’d get when he was talking about them… She’d worn it herself when telling friends about Winston. 

Given time, she focused on Thor again, given plenty of time she could probably come to terms with this she realised. So long as he continued to make Dizzee that happy she could imagine being able to move past the fact that he was a boy. 

A boy who was in love with her son. A boy who her son was in love with.

She’d never have guessed it.

Idly Adele wondered if there were other glaring signs she should have picked up on other than the nail-polish. She mentally shook herself. No point wondering that now. All she could do now was to have Dizzee’s back. No matter what happened next.

Adele shifted to study her husband. He hadn’t said a word yet. She wondered if her son was aware that it didn’t really matter what his siblings said. Whether or not her son would be spending the night under her roof depended entirely on what Winston had to say.

Adele was jolted back to reality by Boo-Boo’s laugh.

“Of course. Jesus Dizz with the nail-polish and everything. I can’t believe we didn’t realise you were a faggot.”

~~

If Winston was honest with himself he didn’t have a goddamn clue what to say or do.

He knew what his own father would have done. He knew what the local church said should be done. Mylene had stayed with the Kiplings often enough for him to know exactly what Ramon would have said must be done.

But sitting at his own table watching his eldest son nervously introduce his boyfriend. Watching the way the two of them kept checking on each other and then glancing at the door clearly unsure if the grenade they’d thrown onto the table was going to go off he wasn’t sure they were right. He wasn’t sure where he stood or what he was going to do.

He was barely listening to what was being said too focused on Dizzee and the boy- Thor. The white boy had chosen the seat closest to him. He wondered if that was by chance or by design. He was clearly bigger and taller than Dizzee. Had he chosen that seat so that if things went to hell he’d be between Dizzee and the largest physical threat. Was he reading too much into this?

He studied his son trying to decide what he was going to do and say. He didn’t know. He hadn’t decided where he stood. Hadn’t up until the moment he realised he’d known all along.

“Of course. Jesus Dizz with the nail-polish and everything. I can’t believe we didn’t realise you were a faggot.”

Winston heard Boo-Boo’s words and watched two things happen in quick succession. The smile dropped from Dizzee’s face, the light in his facing dimming and the white boy sitting next to him visibly flinched. 

Winston was moving before he was fully aware of making the decision. He bolted up out of his chair. 

“Not in this house.”

Everyone at the table had frozen. Winston turned to look at Dizzee. He was half obscured behind the white boy who’d moved to position himself protectively in front of him. Looks like that was intentional then, he thought. He locked eyes with his eldest son and nodded.

He rounded on Boo-Boo.

“Not in this house. Do you understand me Miles? Your brother is going to get enough crap for this from the rest of the world he’s not going to get that in here. Do you understand me? He’s your brother and he’s family and we’ve got to have his back now more than ever. I will not tolerate anything that suggests otherwise. Are we clear?”

Boo nodded, eyes wide. Winston turned to Ra who was already nodding. “You ain’t going to get any argument from me.”

“Yolanda?” She held her hands up.

“It’s all cool with me Pops. So long as Dizzee’s happy.” 

“Adele my darling. Are we in agreement?”

Adele smiled and Winston noticed her eyes were shining. Huh she must have thought I’d go the other way he mused.

“Do you even have to ask?.” He chuckled. 

“I guess not. Then we all agree. We’ve got Dizzee’s back on this. Boo apologise to your brother so we can get on with dinner”

Boo turned to Dizzee shamefaced.

“Dizz I’m sorry man. I didn’t mean anything by it. I’m sorry.”

Dizzee nodded. “It’s okay Boo sometimes you’re not aware of the stones you’re throwing. What’s important is what you do when you realise you’re throwing them.”

Boo nodded. “Well I’m going to stop right now.”

Yolanda next to him nodded. “We all will. But Dizzee sometimes we might not realise we’re doing it so you gotta tell us okay?”

Dizzee nodded and felt a rush of gratitude towards his sister. 

A rush of gratitude that immediately faded as she turned to Thor with a evil grin.

“So I hear you know Pakoussa.” 

~~~

Dizzee was sitting on the coach when Winston tracked him down. Thor was helping Adele with the final dishes and Winston briefly wondered if the action was an attempt to gain favour with his boyfriend’s parents or simply what the boy would have done anyway.

Dizzee snapped to attention when Winston sat down next to him.

“You planning on staying here or creeping out later tonight?”

Dizzee ducked his head guiltily at the words.

“You knew I was doing that?”

Winston scoffed. “Course I knew. Thought you might be running with a gang or something before your Ma told me you were sneaking out to see a girl. Course that seems to have be an incorrect assumption as well.” 

Dizzee tensed at the mention of his boyfriend and Winston wondered how long it would take before that changed, if it would ever change. He worried it wouldn’t. If he was honest with himself he had no idea where they were headed. There was no plan, no route to follow for this. He had no idea what to say to comfort his son. 

“If you knew why didn’t you try and stop me? Ain’t you always telling us how strict you are on that.”

Winston studied his son. He looked drained. Clear bags stood out under his eyes. There was a thumbprint shaped dollop of paint behind his ear but his eyes were alert and on guard. Winston sometimes wondered if his kids knew how much they were loved. He thought back to Dizzee’s clear fear at Dinner and hoped to god he’d never done anything to make his son think he’d ever stop loving him. 

“Truth is Dizz. We were worried we’d lose you. You ain’t a kid no more, you’re hardly here as it is and I guess your Ma and I thought if we did it’d be the final push.”

Dizzee started at him then looked at the wall deliberately avoiding eye contact. 

“I thought the same thing tonight. Thought this might be the final thing that made you throw me out. God knows I’ve been enough trouble as is. When you yelled at Boo, Pops” He took a stuttering breath. “I thought that’s it. I’ve crossed the line, This is the thing they won’t be able to pass off as a ‘Dizzee thing’. It’s over.”

Winston watched the tears build up in his son’s eyes, spill over and create a pattern of tails and droplets down his cheeks. Dizzee took a breath and continued. “I was terrified. Terrified of you finding out. Terrified of telling you. Terrified of what you’d say. I even made sure I had somewhere to go in case it went to hell.”

Winston pulled his son into a hug and reached up to stroke his hair as Dizzee clutched at the back of his shirt crying softly into his shoulder. 

“Marcus you’re our son. We love you. Now I’m not saying that I understand this.. this gay thing-“

“Bi Pops.”

“Yes sorry. I’m not saying I understand it but I didn’t get the pop art thing either. So way I see it I just gotta do the same thing right? I gotta read some books, do some thinking, do some talking. Now like the art thing I don’t think I’ll ever really get it but it matters to you so I’ll try and even if I don’t I’ll respect that it matters to you. Okay?”

Winston felt Dizzee nod against his shoulder and pulled him closer. It was easy to say he supposed. Where in the Bronx he’d find books on this he wasn’t sure. He hoped Dizzee knew.

He wondered if this evening had been inevitable. If from the moment Dizzee had been born there had been no avoiding this situation only the opportunity to put it off for a few more days, weeks, years.

He tried to focus on that as a thought. That the boy in the kitchen hadn’t caused this only cemented the date. Only brought it to his attention. It almost helped. Time would also help he hoped. He loved his children no matter what but the things you’d learned young and never questioned took time to be dismantled. 

He would dismantle them though.

Winston was under no illusion that it would take time and effort but for Dizzee he’s do it. That was simply part of being a parent. They stayed like that for a minute or two each contemplating the changes that were now in motion. Dizzee pulled back and gave Winston a wet smile.

“So you never answered my question son. You staying here tonight? I know your mother would appreciate it.”

“I can’t Pops. I gotta be with Thor tonight. This dinner will have really shook him up and he only agreed to do it cause he knew how important it was to me. I can’t leave him alone after that. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“He can stay here then.” Dizzee’s head shot round to stare at him and Winston felt the need to clarify the offer rather quickly. “On the floor Marcus. Different beds I don’t care if neither of you can get pregnant. That rule stays.” 

He could see his son considering the offer before he spoke. “I’ll ask him but the final say is his but if not I promise to stay home all of tomorrow night.”

“Deal.” Winston ruffled his son’s hair. He wondered what this evening would mean for the Kiplings. They were all on the same page now. Would it bring them closer? Drive them apart? Would it make a difference at all? Would Dizzee be bringing Thor to Christmas in ten years time. Would Yoalnda be comforting her brother though a break up in a month. Would he be picking his son up from a holding cell or from hospital cause they got careless or unlucky? 

Winston forcibly pushed that thought away. He hated the idea of being unable to protect his son. Hell, he hated the idea of his son being in danger at all and this was only going to increase the amount of danger Dizzee was in. But at this point he couldn’t save him from that danger all he could do, all any of them could do was to try and protect him as best they could. 

“You sure about this son? You know it’ll help put you in harm’s way.”

Dizzee turned and smiled at Winston. “Sometimes Pops it’s more important to be happy then safe.”

Maybe that was true Winston thought. But that sure as hell wasn’t going to help calm his worries. He doubted anything would.

~~

Thor was curled up in Dizzee’s bed. The camp bed Mrs Kipling ‘call me Adele’ had set up on the floor abandoned.

Adele briefly wondered if Dizzee had really thought she wouldn’t notice the bed had clearly not been slept in all night. Maybe he’d planned to tidy it up tomorrow before she noticed. 

She supposed she should be angry that Dizzee had disobeyed the firmly established rule of the house but given the circumstances and the clear evidence that they were both clothed and had both been crying she supposed she could let it pass just this once. 

As she watched the pair of them Dizzee’s eyes opened a crack. She could tell the moment he registered her standing in the doorway.

“Hey Ma.” He was clearly still half asleep. She wasn’t surprised the evening had been emotional for everyone and none more than Dizzee. She raised an eyebrow at him and gestured towards Thor who had curled up smaller then she would have thought possible and was currently snoring softly into Dizzee’s shoulder. 

Dizzee smiled at her ruefully and gently untangled himself from Thor and padded over pulling the door softly behind him so it was open just a crack. “Sorry. It’s like I told Pops, he’s all shook up after tonight. Couldn’t sleep.”

Adele nodded. “I’m guessing he’d seen an evening like this not go to plan then.” Dizzee grimaced and glanced back at Thor.

“He told you?” He sounded surprised at the idea. Adele shook her head. 

“No but he never mentioned his family throughout dinner and the look on his face when Winston stood up. I ain’t stupid Dizzee. I can tell when someone’s pretty certain they’re going to be hurt and I can tell when someone’s been hit before. I don’t know how you convinced him to come round here.”

“He knows it was important to me. Didn’t want me going alone. That was enough for him. I ain’t going to tell you cause it isn’t my story to tell but you’re right. He’s seen it go the other way.”

Adele nodded. She was thankful that it had gone as well as it had. She didn’t want to think about what conversation she’d be having if it hadn’t. She looked at her son. She shuddered to think that this could have been the last night her family were all together. 

“You’re sure about this then.”

Her son locked eyes with her. Adele flushed. Of course he was sure. Stupid question they wouldn’t be having this conversation if he wasn’t.

“Looks like you’re going to have to finally throw out those wedding plans your sister helped you create. Pity. I liked the part where the bride was carried down the aisle by an elephant.”

Dizzee laughed and she was struck but how much happier he sounded. 

“I’m keeping the wedding plan. Time or a parallel universe might allow it to come true. If not we shall simply create our own truth together and exclude those who would flood the air with their lack of faith.”

“Well you’ll have to fight Yolanda for it. I think she was hoping it was hers now.”

She stared at her son. There was a lack on tension in him now that she hadn’t noticed until it had gone. She wondered how long it had been there. Long enough that it’s become part of him. Her alien son. Fallen from the stars unable to climb back up to them.

She hoped the stars would look fondly down on them both. Keep them safe. Keep them happy. Keep them in love.

He yawned. “Go back to bed love. We can talk more tomorrow.” 

He turned back toward the door to the bedroom. Suddenly Adele realised she hadn’t told him the most important thing.

“Marcus.”

“Hm?” He turned back. A questioning look on his face from the use of his birthname.

“I love you.”

~~~

Boo-Boo was waiting outside to be allowed into Ra-Ra’s room. He could see through the crack in the door frame that Ra was lying on the floor with his legs propped up against his bed. Boo knew that meant he was processing the conversations from dinner.

So he’d knocked to let Ra know he was there and waited. He knew his brother needed more time than other people to work through stuff.

It wasn’t that Ra-Ra was stupid it was simply that his brain thought differently and he needed the extra time to set things in order. It was one of the reasons he’d watched star wars 57 times Boo knew. Until the third viewing he hadn’t been able to take in the fight scenes at all. Though by then he’d easily managed to memorize large chunks of the dialogue.

Boo-Boo could remember Ra crying to their Ma about it once. It had been after they’d first started getting properly tested at school in reading and writing. Zeke had done amazingly. Ra less so.

After a while it had become common knowledge in their group. If you gave Ra-Ra something to write down he’d mix the letters up and spell it wrong. If you gave him something to read out-loud you needed to give him the extra time he needed or his thoughts and words wouldn’t come out right. And if you gave him a whole lotta new information he needed time to go through it.

Which was why Boo-Boo was waiting outside the door for Ra to say it was okay or him to come in. He fell backwards into the room when Ra opened the door and motioned him in. The two brothers sat in silence for a moment. Neither one really sure what to say.

~~

“Can’t believe he fucking told Shao before us.”

Ra could hear the bitterness in his brother’s voice even as Boo tried to supress it. Ra gave his brother and unimpressed look. “He didn’t tell him. Shao just found out it could just as easily have been you.”

Boo shuffled. “Yeah but it wasn’t.”

Ra nodded. He understood that it smarted. It smarted to know that their brother had a secret life without them.

A few years ago they wouldn’t have thought it was possible. But then again Ra thought maybe even with the Get Down Brothers they’d drifted apart. He hoped tonight would change that. 

“You’re fine with it then? Dizzee and Thor. I mean them being together?”

Boo stared at him confusion etched across his face.

“Course I am. Why you asking? Aren’t you? Is this about what I said at dinner cause I wasn’t thinking. Didn’t realise there was, you know, a proper way to say it. People usually only mention it if…” He trailed off.

Ra nodded. “Do you think Dizz knew? Before Thor. Do you think he knew he liked guys?”

Boo shrugged. “I don’t know man. I love Dizzee. I do but he ain’t the easiest to understand. How come?”

Ra shrugged. He’d been thinking about it for a while now. There was something familiar to him about the idea of Thor and Dizzee. Something Ra recognised. Or remembered? He dismissed the thought. Whatever it was, he decided, it could wait.

“He should tell Zeke.”

~~~

Boo stared at his brother. “Hell no. You crazy? What if he freaks. You know how much that’s hurt Dizz.”

Ra was being an idiot.

Right now Dizzee was safe. Pops hadn’t kicked him out. He’d even let Thor stay for reasons that baffled Boo no end.

He was safe. But if they told anyone Dizzee would be in danger. It was simple. Anyone who knew would have a reason to hurt him. Anyone who didn’t wouldn’t. 

Ra turned round to look at him. “Boo why do you think Dizz told us?”

Boo threw his arms up and groaned. “I don’t know Ra. It’s Dizzee why does he do anything?”

“Cause for Dizz not knowing when something awful will happen is worse than actually having it happen. Zeke ain’t stupid. He’ll figure it out and then what? Even if he ain’t mad about Dizzee having a boyfriend he’ll be mad he ain’t told him. Just like you are.”

Boo thought about it. If they told Zeke then all the Get Down Brothers would know. Then Dizzee could bring Thor to performances and to the temple. 

They could be together there cause everyone wouldn’t know. Dizz would love that. Being able to do proper couple stuff. He wondered if they’d been on a proper date yet like Zeke and Mylene or Ra and Tanya. 

He’d set one up he decided. At the temple. He’d clear a table and get candles and flowers and shit. On the roof, he thought, looking across the sky line. Dizzee liked that poetic stuff and everyone should get to go on at least one proper date Boo decided.

“Fine but if he makes Dizz cry we kick his ass right?”

Ra nodded. “Course like Pops said we gotta have Dizzee’s back here. Make sure no one hurts him.”

Boo stopped. “We gotta go see Shao tomorrow. There’s something we gotta do before Dizz tells Zeke.”

“Oh?” Ra quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Yeah.” Boo smiled. “We gotta talk to Thor.”

**Author's Note:**

> warnings- Okay there is one use of a homophobic slur in this fic but that's it. 
> 
> So this is technically the arc finished. But i have a vague plan for a follow up. So if you'd be interested in that or whatever let me know.  
> again thank guilli cause she had to listen to me stress about getting the balances right in this all the time  
> and if you commented on any of the last three parts you're the reason i actually finished this and i love you


End file.
